Here are some dating tips for men to consider:
Coming as I do from a time where chivalry was the norm, it was usual for a man to invite a lady to a restaurant on a first date and pick up the bill at the end of the meal.
Of course, in those days, the workplace was a different world than it is right now and it is not uncommon for women to earn more than men.
So what do you do on a first date if you are a man?
- Do you pay?
- Do you expect to go “Dutch” and if yes, how do you approach the subject? Do you ask how she wants to split the bill? Do you wait patiently for her to offer to pay her share? Do you ask the waiter to bring two bills?
- Or do you let your lady friend pay?
Here is what I think:
In response to the first question: Yes.
In response to the second question: No.
In response to the third question: No.
What do you think?
Here are a few more dating tips and things a man should certainly NOT do on a first date:
On a first date, don’t tell her your ex was a so and so…
Disparaging comments about a person who has been your partner for a while before it all went south have no place in any setting, let alone on a first date! It’s not cool for the lady you are criticizing, and certainly not cool for the lady sitting in front of you! Not only that, irrespective of the circumstances of your break up, by indulging in that type of behavior shows your date that she could be next!
On a first date, don’t tell her you are ready to have children…
I realize that in an ideal world where man meets woman and together they have children and live happily ever after some might think that a woman might really want to know if her first date wants to have kids. I take the opposing view. Don’t come out telling her this, unless you are responding to a question or have talked about it before. You might scare your first date off!
I’m never getting married again…
First date or not, unless you have made it clear in your profile that you are not seeking a relationship leading to a marriage, which in my books indicates that you are looking for a casual “liaison”, this is one thing that will drive her away. Of course telling her this may turn out to be a good thing really… for her, as she makes for the door and you watch it swing close right behind her!
You remind me of my ex…
Really? Do you remember that door I talked about in the previous paragraph? As a general rule, unless she asks you directly to talk about your ex, don’t bring her into the conversation and certainly don’t make comparative statements. Of course, if your ex also happens to be the mother of 12 kids, then not talking about her at all might be construed by your date as not particularly honest.
It is always difficult to give relevant dating tips that people can take to the bank so to speak. A sort of blueprint that all men can follow without fear, the magic formula that we all wish we knew.
There is no blueprint, only common sense and the realization since we are all unique individuals that we all react differently and more importantly expect different things from each other. I hope that in this article, I have given you an idea of what not to do if you are man looking to start a relationship with a woman. These online dating tips are meant for men and quite possibly for women as well!
Very interesting tips!
I agree with you. I like when a man offers to pay for the meal. It is a very nice gesture showing his effort. It is not important how much I earn.
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 8:03 pm
I agree. It is never a bad time to show how much we care! And we care if we invited a person for dinner with a view to establishing a long term relationship don’t we?
[Reply]
Hi Steve
You know that i love your blog to bit, Well today
i cant agree more on every point, and you also
give me something to remember the next time LOL
That X Thing we need to keep that in mind,.
Regards
Theuns
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 7:59 pm
Thank you Theuns. I am glad you like it!
[Reply]
Hi Stevie,
being a woman I am in two minds about the check. Part of me likes to be treated, but another part feels that I can be more objective keeping my independence. For that reason I would like the first date to be just a coffee.
In regards to the information we share, that depends on the individual, age and background.
Thanks for the food for thought.
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
It’s the old fart in me!
But I do realize that many independent women do not want to feel “obligated” in any way. At the end of the day, it’s about respect. You know what they say: Man proposes, woman disposes!
[Reply]
Hey Steve,
These are great tips. As a lady, I agree whole-heartedly with your tips. Following those tips won’t guarantee a second date, but NOT following them will pretty-much guarantee AGAINST a second one.
Monick
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Words of wisdom and music to my ears! Thank you!
[Reply]
Dating can be complicated and there a lot of things to keep in mind. It’s good to be in the know but it all boils down to being yourself and having fun. And if by any chance that person you are with enjoys your company, then that is the kind of relationship you would want to be in. right?
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Yes! Like I tell my kids… Life is not serious enough to be taken seriously so go out and have fun. But be back not a minute later than 9pm!
[Reply]
Stevie,
What a well written blog post. I agree about the old fashioned protocol of the man paying on a first date. There is something that goes back to caveman days that says “Me Tarzan, You Jane.” No matter how much any of us try to get away from that, there is a certain appeal to it.
But as far as a man saying he wants a casual date, there are also many women who don’t want a serious involvement. Maybe they are only separated and not yet divorced. Maybe they have been really wounded and need a long time to heal from a previous relationship. It is important to be open about where you are currently at without revealing all of your dirty laundry to turn the other person off.
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 20th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Yes, Dr. Erica. I agree. It is difficult to write a story that covers all eventualities. In this case I was writing about a date in which at least the woman wants to invest herself fully, in order to find a life long partner. Maybe I should have made this clearer. But you are right. It’s not just men who go into dating for the purpose of a casual and even short term relationship. Women do it too.
[Reply]
Thanks Steve for the Post.
I was more interested in hearing from the females and seeing their responses. It seems that no matter what, the woman really wants to be treated as a “woman” and having the man take the “chivalric code” of conduct.
Speaking about the “negative” things in a previous relationship should not be the topic on queue. If asked, I will honestly (to the best of my present ability) try to keep the topic about my part and my part only.
As always there is 2 sides to an issue/coin or what ever the phrase is.
Great read,
Charles
p.s. Was wondering if you could poll (If you haven’t already) your audience so I could read how they feel about “WHO SHOULD MAKE MORE IN INCOME – a) Man or b) Woman
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 22nd, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Interesting subject for a poll! Perhaps we could re-write: Do you mind if your partner earns less money than you?
[Reply]
I totally agree. The guy should assume to pay on the first date, and if the girl insist to share, then, they can compromise. But never wait for the girl to offer or totally pay. I also agree with you never to talk about your ex on the first date, unless your date keeps asking about your ex (which I doubt). Talking about having kids or about marriage can also freak out your date. Excellent tips, Steve!
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 22nd, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Yes. Funnily I got an email this morning from a young woman who had been on a date the evening before. When it came to paying the bill, the gentleman took his credit card out. When his date asked him if he wanted her to share, he promptly agreed! Who said Dating was easy!
[Reply]
Great tips and I agree with them all … kind of tripped over not telling your date marriage is a deal breaker – only because that would be ME saying it. Good reminders
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
November 22nd, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Yep.. Being already married is always an inconvenience when it comes to dating!
[Reply]
I think the person who initiated the date should be the one to pay for it, unless he or she said quote “ We can go Dutch.” on the other hand, I’m old-fashioned enough to think that the guy should always offer to pay.
[Reply]
I agree on everything mentioned, especially on who is going to pay on the first date.
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
December 1st, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Well, if you put it that way!
[Reply]
I agree with you. The man has to pay on the first date.
I really like all the other tips too. Common sense is the key though.
Thanks for sharing!
-Kevin
[Reply]
I think it is already a common sense that guys should pay the bill on first date, unless you don’t like the girl.
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
December 1st, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Can’t disagree with this logic!
[Reply]
Hi Steve
I generally think that the person who asks the other out on a date should pick up the tab. Usually it’s the guy who does the asking out so in this case the guy should pay the bill.
[Reply]
I figure if he asked her out on a date, he picks up the tab! Likewise if she asked she picks up the tab!
[Reply]
being a woman I am in two minds about the check. Part of me likes to be treated, but another part feels that I can be more objective keeping my independence. For that reason I would like the first date to be just a coffee.
[Reply]
Dr. Dad Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Yes! I think that a coffee as a first date is always a good idea. But judging from the feedback I am getting from some of my younger readers (20′s) it is often the case that they go to a restaurant the first time they meet.
[Reply]