There is a “café” in Fort Lauderdale, right across the beach where they serve the most delicious croissants and coffee. On Sundays, they open bright and early as the locals know of this place as “the place to be” and even though it’s at least 40 minutes drive from where we live, my wife and I try to make it there, at least once a month, early enough to see the sun rise. Yes we are the hopeless romantics.
Of course, it’s not just for the breakfast that we like this place, nor is it just for the beach. We also love this place because of the people that go there, a melting pot of people from all walks of life, putting their day on hold just for their own Sunday slice of nirvana, and the smell of French vanilla coffee.
I have always been fascinated by body language. As a complete novice in this field, I do like to play the silent detective in my own mind and observe what our body reveals to others and of course, I never quite know if my deductions are right or completely off the mark, unless I get to speak to the people I have had the privilege to share a moment with, which is sometimes exactly what happens in this lovely “café”. We’ve been going there for years.
Early in the morning, when sleep hasn’t washed away completely and the natural defenses we all put are not yet in place, we sometime say more about ourselves than a thousand words.
It’s the body language, the language of love, or lack thereof, and a language we so often fail to recognize for what it is: our own barometer, the measure of how comfortable we are with our partners and with ourselves.
In and amongst the people who become our neighbors there are couples that fascinate.
Some make the art of love seem so simple like this couple, both in their 50’s who always sit at the same table. They never talk to each other, but as they go about their breakfast, they also never fail to touch each other. It may be a hand brushing on another, ever so slightly. Or she’ll quickly touch his face, in a tender, nearly motherly way as she removes a bit of crumbs left on his lips from a previous bite. These two rarely speak a word, but their language is of such love that there is no need really to say anything.
There’s another couple also. In the beginning, they would come just the two of them, so visibly in love with each other, and then she became pregnant and you could see the pride in his eyes. After the baby arrived, they stayed away for a while and then started to come back.
They started off as a couple and were now becoming a family. And with the change in numbers came a change in the way their life became and their own language of love changed as well, adapting itself to their new reality.
And as the baby grew, like thousands of couples before them, they too saw that these changes rocked the balance of their previous life and it wasn’t too long before they began to show the tell tale signs of feeling overwhelmed by it all. Less sleep meant less patience and the inevitable disputes came crawling into their home. There were times when they were no longer sure of what the future had in store for them.
And as she became more involved with her child, as most mothers do, by contrast he retracted away from the two of them, into his own world. You could see that love was still there, in their eyes and in their body language. But if you paid careful attention you could also that the language of love that been so rich between them was beginning to show signs of erosion.
If these two weren’t going to pay attention to what they were silently telling each other, who knows what the future might hold for them. Fortunately, they weren’t quite there yet and indeed, if they were looking at each other like they once did, he might realize that her eyes were still filled with love. Frightened perhaps, concerned that he seemed uninterested, but there, nevertheless. And as for her, she would find out that he felt isolated and wished for more… Of her.
And in the background of all of this, washed away by the eternal sound of waves crushing in and out of each other, my wife and I always make it a point to thank each other for our own love and our own life, our senses satiated by the life around us. Our own language of love very much alive because we were once this couple with a child and we made it to this beach, 6 kids later marveling at this other older couple who needed no words really to express their love for each other.
Go on! Speak of your own love!
Hello Stevie
Your post about this cafe reminds me of the lyrics from
“Love in Any Language” :
Je t’aime te amo
Ya tyibya I yublu
Ani ohevet othka
I love you
The sounds are all as different
As the lands from which they came
And though our words are all unique
Our hearts are still the same
Chorus:
Love in any language
Straight from the heart
Pulls us all together
Never apart
And once we learn to speak it
All the world will hear
Love in any language
Fluently spoken here
We teach the young our differences
Yet look how we’re the same
We learn to laugh, to dream our dreams
We know the sting of pain
From Leningrad to Lexington
The farmer loves his land
And daddies get all misty eyed
When they give their daughters’ hands
And maybe now we realize
How much there is to share
We have too much in common
To pretend it isn’t there
Love is from the heart, it is not always words, even thought they are important. You have really painted the picture of love.
Thanks
Perry A Davis Jr
Music City
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Dr. Dad Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Thank you! Here is the song in question:
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Stevie,
What beautiful prose. The love and uncertain come right off the screen. I can sense the love you have for your family. I, too, am blessed with a wonderful lady. Our compatibility is extraordinary. It is the little things and communicate.
Thanks for sharing.
RICK
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Stevie, what a beautiful article, I couldn’t stop reading it until I came to the end! Things do change so much between couples after they have children don’t they?
And, I can understand why a husband feels a little estranged from the mother of his children. So many couples always put the attention to their children first, and the husband/wife relationship comes after that.
Perhaps that couple will read your article Stevie, before it’s too late for them!
bye for now, Julieanne
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Dr. Dad Reply:
November 22nd, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Thank you Julieanne!
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I am thankful that I have a loving wife whom I’ve been with through the toughest times of my life. Communication is still the best thing a couple must instill in their relationship. Catch-up talks every night, short sweet calls, and a lot of understanding in between would help strengthen relationships.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
December 9th, 2011 at 4:55 pm
You’ve just described the recipe for success. Thank you! You and your wife are indeed a lucky couple.
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I am thankful that I have a loving wife whom I’ve been with through the toughest times of my life. Communication is still the best thing a couple must instill in their relationship. Catch-up talks every night, short sweet calls, and a lot of understanding in between would help strengthen relationships
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I have to admit I focused a lot on my son after he was born, but probably out of worry. This was when I was married. After about two months, I noticed my husband had been not as friendly and a bit like he had been snubbed. I decided to try to balance my attention and take time to do the things we did before we had our son… even if we had to get a babysitter (normally my folks) for a date.
My ex-husband is a good friend to this day and sometimes people think we are still together. While we are physically attracted to each other, we do not want a relationship together anymore. We are just really good friends that have a son to share. I think if I had not been attentive during our marriage, our friendship would have been shot.
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The language of love has many variations. You have to do what you and your loved one thinks is best. Going some where to see the sunrise is a great idea! Nice article!
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Dr. Dad Reply:
February 21st, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Thank you Kevin. Nice graphics on your site by the way!
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I wish when I will be in my 50s I’ll also have someone with whom we love each other like the couple from your first example.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
February 22nd, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Now is the time to work this then!
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