Part of these daily exchanges relate to the topic of how to maintain a happy relationship with a loved one (I have even written a book on this subject!) and more specifically, how “Get Him And Keep him” which as the weeks have turned into months is a subject that is proving to be one of the most talked about topics of conversation, especially for the ladies. Of course, it is a subject of crucial importance for knowing how to navigate through the meanders of love can make the difference between a marriage that outlasts the tests of time, and one which ends up in divorce so what do you think? And as I read this daily melting of opinion, I often wonder if there is a “formula” out there that enables some couples to stay together whilst others simply fall the wayside. I have my opinion of course which I will share in a later article but I am as always really interested in learning about what you think! If you had to give one advice to anyone who’d just emailed you with any one of the following concerns, what would it be?
What do you do that kept the flame alive? Stay tuned to this article because in my next one, I will post a very interesting article written by a female reader on this very subject and what she did to “Get To Get Him And Keep Him” and if you have ever asked yourself any of the questions mentioned above, you certainly won’t want to miss it!
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Hey Stevie,
This is one of those complex question, because there is some much that goes into it. Each situation is unique in its own way and what work with one couple will not always work for another. I will say this, in order to have a good relationship you need to go into it wanted to have that relationship with that person. Not just something to do, and let see what will happen. You have to want to be with that person and not for what you may get out of it. That is not even the hard part, the hard part is finding someone who feel the same way at the same time as you do. I know it may sound funny but timing is everything.
Once you are in the relationship, you need to keep it a relationship. What I mean is sometime they can turn into partnership, better as friend-ship, situation of convenience, or for the kids-ship. I know you cannot block out life, and both of you have to grow as individuals, but those are the major two factors that can start the wedge. Keeping in touch with that orginal relationship and remembering why it started in the first place I belive is the key. But it has to come from borh sides. Great question, TTYL
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What I would suggest to the above concerns would be to have confidence in yourself. Be the best that you can be and your man is unlikely to leave. Communicate with him. Find out what he wants out of the relationship. Be your own person though and don’t cling to him in fear of him leaving you. It has the opposite effect. Be the person you want to be and if the relationship is right for both of you he is not going to leave.
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I think that one of the most important things in a good relationship is to have a common goal that the tow of you believe in. to me and my partner it helps for sure.
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I agree with Anne…I am one of those women who would send you that first question if I was to relate to any of those. I’ve been seeing this guy I really like for about 2 months, and he’s emotionally closed and doesn’t think he’s ever been in love. It’s been hard for me because I’m a very emotional and open person, so I’ve been trying to balance my feelings for him while also respecting his wish to go slow (which I want to do for my sake as well) and his confusion about even wanting a relationship. I’m just taking it one day at a time, trying not to push or pressure him, but I’m trying to be fair to myself, too. I find I’ve compromised myself for far too many men, and the most important thing is we’ve been very honest with each other the whole time. He knows I really like him and hope for a relationship, and I am willing to give him some time to figure out what he wants, but if it gets to a point where I want an answer he’s not willing to give me I love myself enough to know that he might not be the right one for me and I need to move on and find someone else more on the same page with me, I refuse to settle for anything less. And I just tell myself that as much as I like him there will be someone else out there for me… I love myself and my happiness is important.
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Hi Stevie,
Thanks for very interesting post.
I have been married for few years. I give my husband a lot of freedom and trust, it helps me to keep him. Maybe it seems strange, but it works.
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Great advices! It sounds completely different when it comes form a man’s mouth…but you should tell stuff like this, come one be nice and I am sure that all relationships will have better communication:)
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I guess in many respect my husband and I have the life of Reilly!
I travel frequently with my business and Jasen has heaps of time free to play golf! We have plenty of quality time to spend together and we rarely need to set and alarm clock
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hi Stevie,
I’ll be honest, if there were such a power imbalance in a relationship (from either side) I would feel very uncomfortable about moving forward. I have been in relationships where the other party (the man) has been much more emotionally insecure and ‘needy’ than me and it is very unattractive, it certainly made me want to leave not stay, so I imagine it must be exactly the same for a man if he has a very clingy female partner.
You have to be able to meet each other on equal terms or a long term a relationship can’t work. I think people are either naturally more ‘independent’ (aka ‘closed’) or more ‘emotional + open (aka, ‘clingy and needy’) It just depends on which side of the fence you sit.
I say, if you want a long-term relationship, it must be a relationship where both people somehow meet in the middle, not where one party has to do all the work. I certainly would not wait around for a man to ‘warm up to me and want to commit’ in the same way as I would be gone in an instant if somebody started stifling me with their undying love and committment when we had only just met.
Maybe that inherent independence is the reason why myself and my partner have survived over 18 years together??
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I am none of those statements. Right now after 3 years, my boyfriend and I came out of divorces. Mine, I am still great friends with my ex-husband, and my boyfriend… his ex is well, enough to feel pity for her behavior.
My big thing is communication and actually doing things that sometimes suit my boyfriend more. I get to learn more about him and I know next time, he gets to do what I want. However, he and I have a lot of similar interests, so it has been great. Believe me, we have argued, but the communication between us and all other aspects have been great.
I am not sure if there is a true formula to keep people together. I think it depends on the individual and their own mindset of being committed.
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Sorry, I am not planning to keep him that long, after 10 years of living together, he annoys me already. Cute things before, and his being very talkative makes it more irritating for me. There is no spark already.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
November 24th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Ouch! Hopefully after 10 years, a couple has developed enough friendship and mutual respect that these issues are accepted so that the couple can move on. Obviously in your case, it is not the case of “get him and keep him” but rather something HE should strive for, that is, “get her and keep her!” He has achieved the first part. Maybe you can help him achieve the second?
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I believe the biggest problem for everyone is falling into routine for a long period of time. This is why couples should make changes, big changes ever once in a while. Doesn’t matter what as long as the change is beneficial for both of you.
I prefer trips, get away together for a couple of days and make this a habit, spontaneous trips. As far as “keeping him”, well, don’t force the guy into staying, it will turn out bad for everyone, give him some freedom, if he truly loves you he will stay.
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I know that having something in common, something you both like to do together,is an amazing way to improve your relationship in the long run…
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Hello there!
I have been married for three years already, and our marriage is great. we both trust to each other, and give each other complete freedom. that way our relationship keep always alive.
this is a very interesting post! thanks for the tips as well
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thanks for the article.
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I definitely agree with Marcus. There’s no formula when it comes to a relationship. Trust, Respect and Love are the most important for the couples. Without these three, relationship is not a real relationship.. A past time rather…virginia beach hotels on the beach
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Dr. Dad Reply:
December 3rd, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Yes! But sometimes it is easy to lose sight of the reasonable. But you are right. A relationship that works is inevitably based on mutual respect… And love of course!
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This is a very interesting topic here! For me to keep relationship burning it is best to surprise hm/her with gifts and sweet things. I have seen a movie entitled “Fireproof” Watch this movie and you can really learn a lot.
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