We all know that breaking up is one of the toughest things we ever experience, especially after a long and meaningful relationship so it is not surprising that the thought of dating seems so alien to us when confronted with the realities of a recent breakup. Like most thing, when a new life is set to begin, a new perspective of this life needs to enter our mind and nurtured until we become ready to embrace our brand new future.
Even if the thoughts of Dating, and the specifics of “How to get back into dating after a breakup” may sound like an impossible task, the first thing to remember is that the natural instinct in our heart is always to move on.
We are “built” to survive any thing that life throws at us, and it is true that may appear very difficult and sometimes even neigh impossible. The one thing you need to remember is that just as you fell in love before, so is your heart more than capable of plunging you right back into the spiraling world of being in love once again.
All you need to do is to be ready for when that time comes around and it is truly a question of perspective. To make a concerted effort to shake any remnants of prior lethargies, and realize that wallowing in self pitying mode has its merits… to a certain extent. That is to say of course, it is natural and even therapeutic to let open the valves of emotions from a broken heart but when your tears near the end of their own road and you have stopped the screaming and the resentment, the bitterness and the anger let yourself be lifted from one plane onto another.
A new chapter in your life where the past is behind and you find yourself anchored in the present, albeit tentatively at first. There is no easy process that can take you from one life to another, just a soothing movement of the mind, past the unbearable and towards the promises of a new life.
And without you even knowing about it, your journey of sorrow will have began to end, leading to the necessary healing, vital on your current path to a new you. A person who feels better about life, no longer cheated off love and hopeful for the future. Someone who takes time to enjoy each step forward, projecting ahead the journey of the future and as your energy passes from the bad to the good, as you inner self becomes more vibrant, bouncing away from you in waves of positive thoughts, you will once again begin to search the company of like minded people.
And thus will begin your new life with the real prospects of getting back into the dating game, even after the most difficult of breakups.
We recommend:
- Are you ready to date again? Going back to dating can be overwhelming particularly if you have been out of the game for some time. If you want to make the most of your dating experience, make sure to read: Double Your Dating
- There are also excellent dating websites out there where perhaps unbeknown to you, a soul mate is waiting to share a life with you! Here some I would recommend: Top Dating Websites
I just wanted to add that one of the mistakes that many people make after a breakup, is that they try to find someone new too fast to fill that emptiness inside.
I don’t recommend dating right after a breakup until you’ve had sufficient time to heal.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Hey Alex, that is indeed a very wise suggestion.
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Hey Steve,
My thoughts about breaking up come more fro the plave oa a business relationship. When I lost an large account, in fact my only acoount at the time, it was just like breaking up. I went though a hard time because it was a change. And then I realized that life is all about changing and that is what make us grow. So when any relationship ends it is an opportunity for growth.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
September 3rd, 2011 at 11:55 pm
It is true. A break up in a relationship feels like a loss, which is exactly what we feel when anything we have put efforts into also fails.
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The one thing I try to do after any relationship is try to make sure that it is over. Mentally as well as emotionally and physically. I believe it is unfair to the next person to bring unfinished issues about your past relationship into their lives. It is funny to read this, because I was just talking about this with an old ex of mines. Truly great post, it got me thinking.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
September 5th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
That is excellent advice. Thank you for sharing!
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I’ll admit…
After recently ending a more than promising relationship and literally being left out in the cold about the whole thing… I can see now first hand how helpless the whole situation really is when confronted with dating again.
Fortunately, this is a HUGE world and there are plenty of other candidates who would happily take you into consideration.
All you have to do is start looking.
My advice, join some dating sites. Get out and be social. Go to hangouts, hangout bars/restaurants, and read the book “Double Your Dating” as suggested by the author.
Don’t worry, there’s always someone out there, always Plenty of Fish!
-Dereck
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Dr. Dad Reply:
September 7th, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Thank you Dereck. Double your dating is of course a very good first step.
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Thank you for the idea and I know some people who have this situation…This helps…
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Hi Steve,
I totally agree, letting yourself going through the steps of recovery and healing properly is a must.
There is always a bright future ahead, although I’ve never experienced a break up, whenever I go through any pain, I remind myself that it is always temporary and how many things I have to be grateful for.
Emma
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Dr. Dad Reply:
September 7th, 2011 at 6:18 pm
That is very wise Emma. Thank you for sharing.
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One thing that stuck out to me in this article is that the period of wallowing or “mourning” after a breakup isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes we need that, it’s just important not to stay in that phase forever because then we can’t move on properly.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
September 7th, 2011 at 11:14 pm
You are right of course. A period of reflection is not only not “necessarily bad” but indeed crucial before one can even consider the mechanics of how to get back into dating.
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I remember when I broke up with a long term girlfriend in my twenties. I was not ready to start dating for 6 months after breaking up. I just needed my space and to discover who I was. When the time came around for me to get back into dating, I did. When on a number of dates with different women and 6 months later met my future wife.
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When you break up, you lose something meaningful to you, and I think that the best way to compensate for that is to fill the gap with other things that you find meaningful, like your family, friends, or doings the things you love most. It’s not the same, but it helps to show you that your life can still be enjoyable.
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For me, break-up is something a termination of an intimate relationship of 2 people by any means other than death. Breaking up is the hardest part in every relationship, especially if you truly love that person. However, even though you experienced this thing, this is not the reason to give up. Instead, make this situation as your strength to keep on moving and maybe successful in your life.
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Ugh, it always takes a while to get back to dating. After a long relationship in college, I didn’t date for 2 years. But, the woman I dated after is my beautiful wife today!
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Steve,
One of the reasons people remain in unhappy, even miserable and abusive, relationships is that the thought of letting go of what you have that is familiar and stepping out into the unknown is scary. But that is exactly what is required. You can’t find love with a new person while still connected to your current partner. Some people do have affairs as a way to get out of a relationship but the prognosis is poor for that newly formed bond, based on cheating. Better to break up, suffer for awhile, and then finally move on to something new and better.
Dr. Erica
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Dr. Dad Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Who am I to disagree with the doctor on how to get back into dating!
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Painful breakups are definitely hard to overcome but everything is possible…Dating is one step to forget it…
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Hi Stevie
It is always great to come to your blog.
Braking up is sad and some time it take a long time to get healed
but it is goo to give you time to heel.
I did that ans today i can go on with my life, I just look at old photos this past weekend from one of my best relationships that i was in , now it is just a bit sad but the good memory’s is good.
The only think people must not do is to jump into a new relationship just to get rid off all the pain you sit with .
Thanks
Theuns
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Thank you for this article, I recently got out of a long relationship and I thought dating would be much more fun than it is turning out to be. Finding men isn’t difficult, but finding men who I can open myself up to is proving harder…I feel so closed to love. I think I need to focus and take care of myself, and hope the right guy finds me at the right time. You’re right about finding a new ‘you,’ though. Even though I get lonely sometimes, I realize that I’m better alone than I was with my ex, he just was not right for me and I’m the most important person in my life. And being alone has let me find myself all over again.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
October 25th, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Very true and thank you so much for sharing your own personal feelings about this subject. As the dad for young women, I have heard exactly what you have just described from my own daughters on many occasions. It’s actually one of the reason why I created this relationship and dating website!
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I believe that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t matter how long you wait, the important thing is you are ready. Dating is not for the sake of filling the emptiness inside of you. Focus on other things instead of searching for a person who might remind you of the person you just broke up with.
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