Do you know when it happened?
The moment when it started… To go wrong?
Can you put your finger on any particular day, or event? When you felt the swelling of your heart as it slid on the side of love and you watched it being swallowed bit by bit by your own fear. Or anger.
How do you know when a relationship misses a beat? Is it even possible to know?
Imagine the number of couples whose marriage or relationship we could save if there was a formula, a trick we could all use to make us see?
Some sort of a trigger that rings a universal bell which jolts us back to earth and tells us right when it happens: “Here lad, be careful. Step back. Take back what you just said.”
But then do we even see? We open our eyes and look, but do we really see? And listen? When did we really listen?
Have you ever thought: “If only I had known, I would have said something else, or done things differently?”
Or do you think that relationships that end were meant to do just that… End!
And no amount of “did you know” or “do you wish” makes the slightest bit of difference?
That in life, nothing happens by coincidence? That some couples cannot be?
I would love to read your thougts! Let me know?
I think relations ends ´cause of lack of passion.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
August 23rd, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Nice and concise!
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Hi Stevie,
If only!
It would be so cool if there was some sort of indicator that sounded warning bells when we opened our mouth instead of just keeping it shut.
So many times we seem to realise after we have done the damage and then it is just too late.
We are such impulsive beings that we react without thinking.
I don’t think there is a point where the releationship breaks down it is a series of events.
Great post ”’ thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Bryan
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Dr. Dad Reply:
August 29th, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I think that all too often we are so busy with ourselves that we fail to see and hear what goes one around us. If we did, if we paid more attention, then perhaps there would fewer relationship break ups.
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Stevie,
I think you have to have at least 2 things in common for a relationship to work.
I think a relationship ends once trust is compromised. This is why some people fall in and out of love several times during the course of a relationship.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
August 31st, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Actually I don’t think people fall in and out of love with each other over the course of a lifestyle, although I can understand why it would be described that way. It’s more the case of “for better or worse” as perhaps it is the passion that sometimes takes a backstage seat. That is why it is important to realize that this scenario does occur and then take the steps to bring the passion back. Or I could be less pompous and tell you that yeah, you’re right!
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I think it is usually many things that happen before a break up and not just one thing. Ultimately, it is communication that matters.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
September 7th, 2011 at 11:19 pm
You’re one hundred percent right! Communication in a relationship is crucial.
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Relationships just only end in one main reason based on my experience. “Falling out of love”.
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For my opinion relationship that ends is a gradual process little by little the love for one another are minimizing until it reach the point that there’s no more love left.
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Hello Stevie
Very interesting question. There might be a formula to prevent breakups. That formula is based on love (agape). Would require both in the relationship to practice agape, which is not based on a feeling, but on an attitude. Agape love is patient, is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Agape love never fails.
Thanks
Perry A Davis Jr
Music City
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Dr. Dad Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:36 pm
You raise an interesting point! A relationship needs to be based on love, and on the practice of love, itself not based on feelings but rather on attitude. I know someone who used to say that she was in love with her husband because of how he made her feel!
However there are times when irrespective of the love, Greek or otherwise (:) relationships just end unfortunately and often times, I believe there are tell tale moments which come up and can be acted upon in order to salvage that relationship.
Great contribution by the way Perry!
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I know when my relationship ended. it did as soon as the voice on the other end of the phone tried to rush me off the line; when i could sense discomfort in her hearing my voice.
Edit by Stevie
This comment was so heartfelt that I thought it should really be standing on its own!
Head on over here to read it in full and don’t forget to leave comments!
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Hi Stevie
I still sometime try to figure out why my wife really left me for
somebody ells , but on the other hand i know that it would not work out as i wish to be.
It is sometime or most of the time hard to except it but time heal and time make you wise also. i dint think we will get all the answers on that moment but i did get a lot as time went on and i did make peace with it and it really help me.
Thanks for you post.
Best regards
Theuns
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Dr. Dad Reply:
October 19th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Sorry to hear about your wife. I am writing a book about this subject by the way. It’ll free as well!
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I always always always used to beat myself up when my relationships would end. I would wonder ‘what did I do wrong’ (even if HE was the one really to blame), I wouldn’t let go of my feelings, I would sink into depression. But as I’ve gotten older I realize that life will play out as it needs to, if a relationship is supposed to end it will end I think, and if it’s meant to be it will be. Be true to yourself and everything will work out in the end. (I hope!)
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Usually, long-term relationships last because each individual decides to work it out rather than be fixated on emotions. Feelings are never consistent. Most of the time, it takes two matured people to handle a relationship and make it last. When one cannot bear the other, it may be a sign that the relationship is teetering over the edge.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
December 20th, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Yes, a long term relationship takes effort, dedication and mutual respect. When one of these goes missing, the consequences can become devastating.
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Stevie,
I have been keeping up with your wonderful journey and the powerful adventures you share. Your material can only be produced by one who lived through each parodoax.
I have been married for over 17 years and next year will make 18. This women was not even noticing me at first. The first day I told my friend I want her and nothing is going to stop me. She just don’t know it yet.
Well, after about the fifth year she begins listening to Opra and other outside influences. Nothing is are was needed in our relationship. I was still adventurous and outgoing. Doing everything for her and myself. Lots of ups and little downs only with certain people making attempts to make her believe she was experience the same things they were going through and still are with their relationships. It becomes so negative and believable when nothing exist like that in our lives.
You have to keep people out of your marriage affairs. You and your spouse must mature together and be as one. Communicate and tell the truth even if it hurts. Agree that you will never agree on everything. Keep advise as it is. People unknowing giving you advise based on you never speak of marriage situations with anyone except your spouse. Knowing that God works everything out for the best.
Secret is to trust each other. If that trust is broken it is not the end ot the world. You both must put aside petty things and start over with building that trust back. Baby steps and meaningful active listening to each other. Be adults and not me, me. It is a we thing when your married. That is what you gave publicly as an oath. Your word is all you have and that says enough.
Keep giving to each other with love. Love will get you throgh everything. Forget about other people relationships. They are not telling you everything. Just what you want to hear. The only one that matters are you two.
Stevie, your an amazing mentor in our our industry. If we had more passionate honest people like you in our business. Things would be more simple.
Thanks for sharing with us and giving each one hope. Looking forward to your next amazing post.
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The rules seem to always be changing when it comes to first dates. What may have been done twenty years ago may seem dated and out of touch in today’s modern world. But displaying good manners on a date remains consistent in any year. It is important to treat your date with respect and to be genuinely interested in what they have to say.
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certainly like your website however you have to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the reality then again I will certainly come back again.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
December 27th, 2011 at 2:42 pm
And your comments are certainly rife within this blog. I usually delete all of them but I kept this one since at least you make an effort to offer some form of criticism rather than your usual tripe.
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I’ve seen this happen all too often. Couples can drift apart if work isn’t done to keep them together.
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Unfortunately, marriages often end with the smallest of things on a daily basis. That’s why it’s so important to pay attention to our partner’s ideas and opinions. If we can unselfishly listen and love them, and take responsibility for changing idiosyncrasies that may be driving them nuts, we’ll go a long way toward preserving our relationship.
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Hi Dr Dad,
Looking through your site for a bit and I love it. I have been married for going on 18years and it does take a lot of work, compromise and just shutting your mouth sometimes to keep the piece.
But for me it beats the alternative of dating, being lonely at holidays, and just somebody truly having your back through thick and thin.
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I too agree it takes a ton of patience and practice. Not saying I’m perfect ( far from it ) but, in order to make it in the long run I do have to just swallow my pride sometimes. I have started my own company Carpet Cleaning Tampa and it is very hard on my wife and family right now as it does take a lot of my time. But like the other post I do like having a wonderful family to come home to and being able to confide in my wife.
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