I am so glad I am not dating anymore. Not that embarking on a quest that eventually leads to the discovery of the love your life is not a worthy (and incredible) experience, but you’ve got to get over that first date first, and it’s not always as easy as it sounds.
I was online dating a few years ago and what I discovered is that I didn’t like first dates.
By that I am of course in no way inferring that I didn’t like the ladies who were kind enough to meet me for that first time, even if some allowed me to see a world that exists only in the twilight zone but the uncertainty of it all, the surprises that go hand in hand with a first date… Well all of it and more were more than a … challenge.
I’ll tell you what I definitely disliked about first dates though:
Meeting a person for the first time knowing that the both of you will be hoping this will be the one, (that’s the exciting part)
And at the same time being aware that you have other “first dates” set up for the coming days! Just in case! And so will your first date!
There was (is) something about this to me that felt like cheating, and whilst I understand it’s part and parcel of the online dating world, it is something I was never comfortable with.
Of course the idea of multiple dating has merits and for men for both men and women as it permits both partners for be “picky”, “call the shots”, give yourself the idea that all you are doing if making sure you give yourself the best chance of finding the ideal partner, and for men at least, it is a perfect opportunity to brush our own ego, safe in the knowledge that at least this time, dating multiple women at the same time will not land them in too much trouble!
Imagine the male’s brain at work for a moment…
Let’s see… On Tuesday, I am meeting with Lisa, she looks fine, Lisa does… On Wednesday it’s the blond with the gorgeous eyes… Thursday, the samba Queen… And to wrap up a lovely week, on Friday, it’s the guys… Can’t wait to tell the guys… Now what about Debbie for Saturday… Yep, I feel that Saturday is Debbie’s night!
Ok. I know I am going to get into trouble with my male readers, and perhaps our ladies do exactly the same thing! Do they? I would love to have your opinion by the way ladies!
But with of all these “perfectly acceptable” endeavors, what happens if you happen to like Lisa, have more than a passing interest for beautiful Adriana and how she danced you to nirvana, and quite like the Saturday’s lady? What happens then? What do you do the following week?
- Expand your search to increase you “pooling” chance?
- Continue to explore the possibilities with last week’s ladies?
- Do both?
And if you do either of these things, how long will you have to wait until you decide?
And above all, will you ever be able to decide?
So what do you think?
What to hear something really funny? I read it in a “feminist” blog.
Men think that sex has a volume dial. The more they can crank it up, the happier they’ll be with themselves…
Boy what have I just said.
Want to read something really disturbing? Here is how a very popular men’s blog is describing multiple dating for men:
Pros:
- You can afford to be be picky and call the shots
- You remain a challenge… by remaining the object of desire of their “harem” they present themselves as naturally confident…
- You don’t have to put with BS.
- You can find “intimacy” easily (they used another word, but I thought I’d tone it down a little
Cons:
- Takes up a lot of your time
- You spend a lot of money
- You risk contracting an STD
- Your reputation can get tainted
- You might pass up a potentially good relationship
- etc…
Told you it was disturbing (Read more: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/130_dating_advice.html#ixzz1mD61Wxi7)
In conclusion…
After reading the article I have just quoted above, what I have concluded is:
- I am officially declaring myself a feminist (at least for one day), just for their sense of humor (see the Volume Dial joke)
- Ladies… Go ahead, multiple dating is as far as I can see, not only a necessity for you, but a question of survival.
Caveat.. No offense was intended to any one in this article, men included and whilst my own manly ego was bruised in the process, I know that the case made in this article against multiple dating for men, can also be made for women, using more or less the same arguments.
So back to the original point…
Dating Multiple People – It’s a Tough World Out There
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I so agree with you on this post! I cannot imagine having lots of dates lined up, and like you said it does feel like cheating when I know that thee are ‘back-up’ dates if this does not go well. Also, I prefer when things happen naturally and it just flows instead of making so many plans, dates and trying so hard. I may not be of the majority over here, but I am happy with this! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Was a lovely read.
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I am not familiar in this topic because I havent experience dating but I learn a lot while reading your this tips..
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Stevie,
There is a point in one’s single life that it is fine to date multiple people. First, each one can teach you or involve you in something different. For example, when I was single I might have one guy who played tennis with me, another who took me to really nice dinners and a third who showed me some of the greatest jazz musicians at these small New York pubs. But that only lasts for a brief time period of time. Inevitably, once you get sexually involved, emotions get stirred up and the dynamics change. Then it becomes not only difficult, but actually dangerous in terms of STD’s, to continue dating multiple partners.
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My, my, you’re on slippery ground here, Stevie. But I’ll say you came out swinging. Pun intended.
I applaud you for taking on this intriguing yet tough and controversial subject. There was time when I was perfectly ok with being involved with multiple women — at the same time. At least intellectually I was. Emotionally, I wanted my partner to be faithful to me. Hypocrisy?
You bet! When I confronted my male hypocrisy I was able to get all my sides on the same page. And so life’s good again!
Besides, as they say, “If you’re thirsty, you can dig many shallow wells… or you can dig one DEEP one.”
My recent post… Keep It Simple, Stupid
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I am not for dating multiple people. It is just too much to deal with more than 1 person’s baggage and your own. I know a few friends still doing the dating and do this, but I have no idea how they manage it and if the people they are dating are aware of it… let alone fine with it…lol
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I enjoyed reading this article. I’ve been married now for 12 years and been with my husband for nearly 15 years.
However I still remember what it’s like to date… and as a woman I always felt it best to keep my options open lol
I don’t envy people today dating… I have some single friends and whilst I enjoy hearing their stories there is also a lot of heartache.
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Hi Steve, I agree with Prakruthi it’s much better when things happen naturally than just dating everyday a different girl. Actually having a sheudule for dates it makes it seem like it is work or something which ultimately japardase the meaning of dating. We just have so many shudules and lists in our work and adding all these to our personal life just kills the magic of the whole thing…
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I don’t really like dating sites. I prefer dating people the old fashion way. I see interesting girl, I ask her out. Pretty simple and straight to the point, the only problem is finding interesting girls.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
February 23rd, 2012 at 3:26 am
Seems to me you have just made the case for online dating! For its many flaws, it does provide a very wide choice of potential partners to choose from, some of whom you might very well find interesting!
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Hey Stevie,
What an interesting topic. I am thinking along he same lines as Erica. I think multiple dating is OK, so long as there is no sex involved. In that sense I would like to think it is more like multiple meeting.
I am lucky to have been in relationship since I was 16 and at 31 the fact of having to start over dating and finding new people via the internet scares the heebiejeebies out of me. So thankful I don’t need to do that.
Enjoy being a Feminist…I have a bra you can burn if you need one
Beth
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Dr. Dad Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 2:29 pm
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You know what I don’t like about dating sites? When the girl doesn’t look like she does in her pictures. And that is the perfect recipe for a very awkward first date.
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Dr. Dad Reply:
March 10th, 2012 at 11:20 pm
Or the man…
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