5 Things you need to do after a break up

Ask anyone about breaking up in a relationship and you’re bound to have the same answer.

Break ups are painful and even the break ups who are necessary can be really difficult to deal with.

There is no getting away from it.  And whilst there will be plenty of people, including this writer who will tell you that you will eventually get over it and move on, there is no denying that the ending of a relationship is one of life’s hardest thing to do.

What you do after a break up will probably affect you in more ways than none, and here are few pointers which you should definitely think about.

The Do’s

1. Don’t stay around.  Ok.  Let’s be plainer.  Go away. Really.  You need to be able to breathe away from your ex even if this means going to a hotel whilst you get your after the break life organized.  A vacation would be nice of course, and it doesn’t even have to be anything fancy, as long as you have the feeling of getting away.  Away from familiar surroundings.

   Away from loved ones who in spite of their best intentions may not necessarily be as helpful as they want to be..  Whatever you do, you need a neutral zone where you can put this part of your life behind, and this is why I always encourage people to avoid moving in with parents or family.  This time truly must be spent on you, so that you may deal with the shock of the separation and allow yourself the privacy you’ll need to think, read, sleep, cry.  Anything really to let go of your pent up anguish, shock and pain.

2. The Pros And Cons of your relationship. Whatever happened, you have just terminated one chapter in your life, and now is a good time to take stock, not the goods against the not so good, and see what you could do now to make your life easier.  Draw two columns on a piece a paper.  At the top of the page, write:  My life with my Ex.  (don’t write a name, just the word EX).  Underneath the main title label each the left column “Pros” and the right Column “Cons”.  Write down in each column your feelings about your ex.  Be brutally honest.  And thorough.  This is a time to really delve into your ex and determine what you really liked about him/her and also what you disliked. Now take another piece of paper, and instead of the “Ex” as the main title, write “my new life”.   Just as for the other page, draw two columns, label each with Pros and Cons and start filling each column accordingly. Keep both pages around for a while as you will want to update them further with the days and weeks that pass by.  Don’t be surprised to see items move around between columns.  As much as assessing your past relationship, you will soon realize that with this exercise you will be assessing… YOU.
3. Reward yourself. A common advise might be to go for that expensive item you have always wanted, or  enjoy your favorite ice cream, and in as much as these little treats are important steps in your healing journey, don’t overlook the deeper stuff.  Like taking a course, try this new hobby you have always been interested in.  The important point here is to do something meaningful, health and engaging for your mind.  You may find that you had put so much energy into your relationship that you had in fact neglected your own intellectual needs.
4. Say good bye to old habits. We are all creatures of habits, non more so than couples who sometimes literally become copies of one another.  After a break up, the disruption of the daily routine can sometimes weigh heavily on our ability to cope and one way to deal with that is to re-establish control over your life and change your routine.  You might start with a change in your schedule and as you go long, make slight adjustment that put together will put your new life under a new light.
5. Don’t be afraid to go to therapy. Don’t be fooled.  A broken heart is a fragile thing to heal and there are times when trying to cope by you may not be sufficient.  Some people still have the incredible notion that to seek help from a therapist is a sign that all is not well in their life and thankfully this is one stigma that is being laid to rest nowadays.  There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help.  Sometimes the mere fact of talking to someone who is completely neutral, and be candid with that person is all it takes for the right emotions to find their place in the healing process.  When that happens, the actual healing can really begin.

Whatever happens, life after a break up will be a challenge, and will prove to be difficult.  But it is possible to take simple steps such as the Five Things You Should After a Break Up mentioned above to really make a difference.